


The First Avenger is a Loser

by tajn



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Losers (2010)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-01 03:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1039745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tajn/pseuds/tajn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Losers/Avengers Crossover. Max has been screwing with the Avengers so Fury comes up with a plan. Steve goes under cover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Glasses Make the Man

The Avengers trickled into the conference room. The first to arrive was Steve Rogers and the last was Tony Stark. It was the same for every meeting they had, but not for long Fury thought. The corners in his mouth rose subtly and the only one who noticed was Clint who groaned, knowing when Fury smiled there would be hell to pay. But that wasn’t the only reason he groaned. It was 3 am and The Avengers had just come back from Seattle where a 50 or so Skrull were causing too much damage not to notice. Everyone was sore, even Steve who had mostly healed on the way back. When everyone has taken his or her seat and Tony had stopped grumbling about him needing his beauty sleep, Fury began.

“The Avengers have been compromised,” stated Fury. The room stayed silent but you could hear The Avengers mind’s swirl in deep thought. The only one who gave away how worried they were was Bruce, who began to pick at his fingernail without stop. 

“Bruce calm down,” Natasha whispered in his ear. Knowing that the Hulk would not help in the situation. “What happened Fury?” Her voice echoing the thought of every Avenger.

“There is a mole in SHIELD who has been leaking information out to terrorist groups such as HYDRA and AIM. This list also includes terrorist groups of the more human variety but equally as dangerous. The mole has also taken large sums of money, which we are currently tracking. The only thing we have on him is a name, Max. This is why I am initiating a counter strike. Romanoff, you and Barton will going under cover and backtracking the money that was stolen.”

“Do we have anything to go off of?” Clint said cracking his neck. 

“It was last spotted in crossing the Virginia border.” 

“Heading towards?” Clint hinted.

“ Langley.” 

“Isn’t that-”

“CIA territory. You are correct. This thing is big,” Fury said. 

“Understood.” Natasha nodded sharply. She grabbed Clint by the shoulder and led him out of the conference room. Everyone knew they would be out the door in less than twenty minutes. 

“But I wanted to see what Fury was smirking about...” Clint’s voice trailed off. 

Three sets of eyes fell back onto Fury who turned around facing the huge screen. “Stark and Banner will stay with SHIELD for now. Dealing with any damage Max has in store us.” Fury paused. 

“What about me, Sir?” Steve said. With this, Fury took a clicker out of his pocket and clicked on the huge screen. Showing the three confused men four soldiers. 

“Rogers, you’re staying a solider, Special Ops but you will be specializing in communications and tech.”

“Are you serious? He has no idea how to work my remote, how on earth do you think he’s going to be able to use army tech?” Tony laughed. 

“Sir, I’m going to have to agree with Tony on this. I don’t have functioning knowledge of many of today’s technology but I would like to add that I do in fact know how to use his remote.” Steve said eyeing Tony who in turn gave him a silent applause.

“We know that and that’s why we had our engineering division come up with these.” Fury said rolling his eye and taking out a pair of round glasses from a metal case. 

“Just because he looks the part doesn’t mean he will suddenly be able to hack main frames. Does he even know what an algorithm is?” Bruce said rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

“Let’s see and find out,” Fury smirked. “Rogers, front and center. We are going to have a bit of an experiment” 

“I remember the last time someone said that.” Steve said smirking uncharacteristically and not moving an inch.

“Well lookie here, the Captain can make a joke.” Tony laughed. Even Bruce smiled, but he felt that something was a bit off.

“Looks like the glasses are already having an affect.” Fury was smirking and made his way towards the captain. Fury handed him the glasses. Steve looked down at them, then back up at the engaged, mocking, and smirking eyes of his teammates. 

“Nope. Not doing it.” Steve stated. Putting the glasses down and lifting his feet to rest them on the table. “it’s not worth it.” 

“This is an order. Rogers” Fury said in his you-better-listen-or-I-will-cut-your-fingers-off voice. 

“Nooooope!” 

With this Tony and Bruce looked at each other. Both too shocked for words, but their bulging eyes said exactly the same thing. What on earth were these glasses doing to him? 

“Well it seems that even in close proximity that these glasses will effect his personality. Steve put on the glasses so we can continue the tests.”

“No way, no how! There is nothing in world that will make me put on those glasses. They are already messing with me enough. They are going to fry my brain or something”

“We have tested them they will be safe.” Fury said trying to be logical.

“ How do you know they will be safe, if they only work on people injected with the super solider serum” Steve said flatly.

“And how did you come to that conclusion?” Fury tested.

“Well, they are not only glasses. They are obviously emitting electromagnetic waves that directly affect the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain causing a drastic change in personality, knowledge, and skills, which is why I know all this. And since you don’t want everyone to start acting strange you had specialize the waves so it only effected one person and since I am the only one in the world who has the successful super solider formula in his system. You thought Hey, why not him.”

“Prove it.” 

“Tony’s looking at me like I’ve grown a second head. And Bruce is sulking because he thinks I aimed a hit on him saying that his formula was unsuccessful, which is true but I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. They are acting the same as always.” Steve finished putting his hand behind his back. “If you wanna test it put them back in that metal case and should go back to being a goodie two shoes.” 

Fury did just that and almost immediately Steve took his feel off the desk. 

“WOW!” Tony said excitedly. “Fury I have to get my hand on those. I’m totally going to screw with Steve. Its going to be like, ooohh he wont trust cats or something.” 

“No.” said Fury.

“How did that feel?” Bruce inquired. 

“Strange.” Steve blinked. “it was like my mouth was on autopilot and my mind was crammed with foreign knowledge but I was still be just altered.” 

“Did it hurt?”

“Not really, it was just unpleasant.” 

While Steve and Bruce continued their conversation, including Steve apologizing properly about what he has said before, Tony had grabbed the glasses case and began to sneak his way near the Captain. Fury of course saw all this but he wanted to see how it played out and he knew that the one man who could force the glasses on was Stark.

“ This is going to be awesome.” Muttered Tony and opened the case. The transformation was subtle but instant. Steve slouched and quickly turned facing Tony. 

“Damn it Tony, stop screwing with my brain.” 

Tony couldn’t help but laugh, “he swears too! What other awsome functions does Steve 2.0 have?” 

“Hmmmm, I guess punch you in the nose and not feel all that bad about it.” 

Tony didn’t even seem to hear that and said, “come on put the glasses on”

“No.” 

“I’ll give you 50,000 dollars if you do.” 

“…What’s the worst that could happen? Rogers is with an ‘s’ remember that when making the check.” 

“He takes bribes?” hissed Bruce. 

“We wanted him to act completely out of character and Rogers would never take a bribe,” Fury said back, smiling to himself. 

“Now let finish the debriefing” Fury boomed. Both men jumped as they were snapped out of Tony testing Steve on 21st century technology and Steve answering every question right? 

“Sure what’s up?” Steve said turning around causing Bruce to gasp. 

“Weird right.” Tony said looking like a kid who had gotten a new toy. 

“He looks completely different.” Bruce stampeded. “I mean I know the sterotype that glasses make a person look different but this is downright weird. If you cut his hair not a lot of people who be able to recognize him as Captain America”

“We were also planning on him growing a beard of some kind” Fury said.

“Oh man a goatee would be bitchin’ wouldn’t it?” 

“Anyways back to the mission Rogers. You will be joining a group of Special Ops called The Losers. We have Intel that they have some information on Max, and by information they know that he exists. Your alias will be William Jensen. Understand?” Fury said flashing through some photos.

“ Wait… Jensen. Like from Meet the Jensen’s. The most futuristic last name ever… Sweet” with that Steve Rogers- or rather William Jensen strolled out of the conference room with Tony laughing, Bruce feeling shocked, and Fury knew something big was going to be happening.


	2. Goodbye

Good Bye

It had been several weeks since Jensen had put on the glasses. Since then he had gone under dozens of test, grown a “bitchin’ goatee”, and annoyed every person he had come into contact with. Bruce had even gone so far as to ask if the glasses had been causing brain damage. Tony, on the other hand loved, Jensen. The two would talk for hours on technology then Tony would tape Jensen doing something stupid, and then show it to Steve.

“Oh god, I’m going to miss this.” Tony said while showing Steve the night before. Tony had bought six cases of Armageddon, one of the strongest beers in the world, to try and get the soldier drunk. Of course it didn’t work but Jensen had been trained to act drunk and they had a party. 

“Tony, that is so immature. I know what happened so you don’t have show me.” Steve sighed. He had grown use to the antics that Tony and Jensen always gotten up to but that didn’t mean he had to like them. 

“I love reminding you. It’s hilarious. Also we had to throw Jensen an Epic going away party. I got him a modification on his glasses so they can also play music. Don’t worry, I put all the classics on it; Guns n’ Roses, Journey and ACDC of course.” 

“Thanks… Tony, well I guess I’ll be going. See you later.” Steve sighed taking The Glasses case out of his pocket. 

“Wait, What about your present?”

“You got me something?”

“Hell yes. You’re my teammate, who I’m not going to see for like three years,” Tony said. He took out a pin-sized shield. 

“This is nice, thanks Tony”

“But wait there’s more!” 

“More?” Steve questioned.

“Twist the back three time in the same direction then once the opposite way.” Steve followed the direction and the pin morphed into a full sized shield. “Now this is not as strong as your shield but in an emergency you will definitely Kick Some Ass!”  
“I bet.” Steve said, sadly smiling. He would be leaving today for his new team, The Losers, and he hated to admit it but he was going to miss Tony. He was about to open the case again when Bruce ran into the room.

“Wait! Are you still Steve?” Bruce looked at Steve/Jensen up and down and sighed. “Good I’m not too late.”

“Too late for what?” said Steve.

“I wanted to say bye to Steve not Jensen. He annoys the crap out of me.” Bruce smirked. Over the last couple of months Both Steve and Bruce had become better friends; maybe because they both had alter ego that they didn’t like. Steve reached out to give a handshake to Bruce who heartily accepted it. “See you later” 

Steve opened up The Glasses Case and felt Jensen emerge. After putting on the glasses, he released a huge sniffled and turned around. “I’m going to miss you man,” He gave Bruce a big bear hug Jensen knew he would hate. 

“Get off me Jensen.” Bruce growled and his wristwatch began to beep.

“Shit! Tony RUN!” Jensen said beginning to run down the hall laughing. When the two had gotten far enough away from Bruce, they slowed to an inconspicuous walk. “So… How many times have I had Bruce Hulked out now?”

“Seven or eight,” Tony sighed. Even Tony had to admit that Jensen sometimes when too far. Over the intercom, Jensen heard Fury’s annoyed voice call him to the conference room.

“See you later Tony, The Man wants me,” Jensen said shooting him with his imaginary gun.

“See you later Jensen. You remember how to get onto our secure personal sever right?” 

“Of course I do, who do you think I am? A man stuck in the past?” Jensen deadpanned and exited the hall into the conference room.

“I see you started some ruckus on your last day, Jensen.” Fury snarled. “Get into the jet we are flying you to Mexico to meet your new team. Try anything ‘funny’ and you know I will shoot you.” 

Jensen’s grabbed his bags from the table. One held clothing and other personal belongings while the other held all his tech. 

“Wait” 

“What?” Replied Jensen. 

“You still need your hair cut,” Fury replied and in rushed a barber and two assistance.  
“Finally! I was getting fed up with this old man hair. Now make me look good for the ladies,” Jensen punctuated it with a wink at one of the assistants, who in turn rolled her eyes. 

After the hair cut Jensen strolled out towards the jet with Fury following behind him. The pilot turned around to greet the mysterious passenger, the mission was undisclosed to everyone except for a select few who Fury trusted, and was momentarily dumbfounded by what his passenger wore. From the waist down he looked like the average solider; dark green cargo pants and thick boots, but his neon green tank top was near blinding. Luckily the man put on a loose army jacket that matched the pants. 

“This is Jensen, you will be taking him to the location,” Fury said handing the man a yellow envelope. “Jensen, put your things in the Cargo hold.”

“No way I’m putting my babies in there,” Jensen said holding his tech bag protectively. 

“ Fine.” Fury was not usually a persuadable man but he really wanted Jensen off his air ship. He was damn annoying. “How long is the flight estimated to be, Andrews?” Fury directed at the pilot. 

“No more than five hours sir.” Andrews said. 

“Damn, may god be with you, son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double feature!!!


	3. The New Team

Andrews had just about enough of Jensen. From take off to landing he had not stopped singing, talking, and overall annoying him. At first it wasn’t too bad. They talked about women and Andrews had mention how he was married, which led Jensen into a conspiracy theory on marriage that finished a grueling two hours later. After that he had begun singing Back in Black and every time he would screw up he would restart until he got it perfectly an hour and a half later. Andrews asked Jensen to be quiet a bit while he tried to find a landing point. After Andrews landed the plane, he looked over at Jensen who had hacked into Andrews’ personal files and was ogling his wife.

“ What in god’s name are you doing!?!” Andrews exclaimed.

“You mentioned your wife so I wanted to put a name to a face”

“What is wrong with you?” 

“Surprisingly, your not the first person who asked me this.” Jensen said looking slightly confused. 

“Get the HELL off my jet, you lunatic!” Andrews screamed. 

“Don’t worry bro, I respect your territory!” Jensen said safely exiting the jet with his tech gear in one hand and raising the other in mock surrender.

His other bag, on the other hand, was thrown out by Andrews, who looked a shocked Pooch in the eyes and said, “He is your problem now.” Andrews immediately jumped back into the jet to get as far away from Jensen as possible.

Jensen stuck out a hand and said, “Howdy, I’m Jensen your new tech guy,”

“Hi, I’m the Pooch.” He said shaking Jensen’s hand and immediately regretting it. “Shit dude, you sure you’re our tech cause you are strong.” 

“Oh yeah,” Jensen said. He took off his jacket, which made Pooch’s jaw go slack from both the obnoxious color and the sheer amount of muscles he had. “I work out a bit” Now if it was Steve, he would have probably shrunk himself inside his jacket so his cover wouldn’t be blown but Jensen loved attention as much as Tony did. Therefore, he bathed in the praise and began stretching in a way that showed off all his muscles. “Sorry, I’m a bit stiff from the plane ride.” 

The two men jumped into the army jeep and Pooch threw one bag into the back while Jensen cradled the other. “What’s in there?” Pooch said trying to break the ice.   
“Top Secret. Sorry” Jensen smirked. Pooch sighed thinking that this was going to a long quiet ride. He was wrong about the quiet part.

Almost as soon as Jensen’s butt hit the passenger seat he began to ramble about something that only Jensen would find interesting. The one sided conversations ranged from Jensen pointing out all the plants and animals that could kill somebody under the right conditions to pointing out all the crude shaped mountains in the horizon. Basically a twisted version of I spy. Pooch then made the mistake about asking Jensen a question about the alien attack in New York. Leading Jensen into another conspiracy theory about how the whole thing was CGI and men in suits because Starks “clean power’ had wiped out a dozen city blocks. By the time Jensen got out of the jeep he was belting out a Killers song. 

“I’ve got soul but I’m not solider.” Jensen sang. Pooch’s hands cradled his baldhead as the rest of the team emerged from the army encampment due to the noise. 

“What animal are you killing?” asked Clay who looked over at Jensen. 

“I’ve got soul but I’m not solider.” Jensen’s fist was going along with his lack of rhythm. 

“Our new tech guy.” Pooch frowned. 

“Are you sure he looks a bit beefy-” Roque began

“I’ve got soul but I’m not solider.” 

“-And stupid.” Roque finished. “He’s gotta be a spy or something. Nobody can be this annoying.” At this point Jensen was screaming the lyrics of the song. Inspiring Roque to shoot his gun into the soft jungle ground, which earned him a smirk from Cougar. “You sing one more line and I will shoot you in the foot, understand.”

“You remind me of someone…” Jensen said. Instantly thinking of Fury.

“Get your ass in here so we can see if you are the read deal or not.” Clay said having enough of Jensen as well. 

“You think that’s bad? I had to drive him for two hours. I should get a reward or something!” Pooch complained. The Losers walked towards the nearest tent with an excited looking Jensen following suit.

“So whatcha want me to hack boss?” Jensen said sitting in front of the army issued labtop. 

“Decode this,” Clay said. “Our last guy could do this in 14 minutes so I will give you-“ 

“Done” said Jensen. “Also I found a cute picture of a panda sneezing so I made it a background.”

“You’re kidding me,” Pooch said looking from Jensen to the computer screen. 

“I know adorable, right?”

“No how did you do that?” Pooch asked, leading Jensen into a monologue of techno-babble. Pooch noted to himself to never ask him another question. 

“He… is …good” stated Cougar. 

“Oh MY GOD!” Jensen screamed. Causing the entire team to tense until he said, “HE TALKS!” Earning him rolled eyes from everyone but Cougar who grinned a bit.

“But he is soo…” Roque said.

“awesome, amazing, and attractive.”

“Annoying.” the remaining losers said in unison.


	4. Raising the Bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter, new year

It has been a week since Jensen had entered The Losers and each loser had a way with dealing with him. Roque blatantly ignored him, Pooch always tried to be busy and Cougar just didn’t seem to respond to anything that Jensen said except sometimes he would give a small grin. Clay had been trying to get Jensen to feel a bit more a part of the team by making him room with Cougar. 

“Hey Roomie!” Exclaimed Jensen and began unpacking his bags.

Cougar looked up at Jensen and said, “Don’t touch my stuff.” 

“Alrighty Amigo!” 

“No.” 

With that Jensen began to unpack his bag, which gained the attention of Pooch. Pooch had been dying to know what was in the ‘top secret’ bag that Jensen always carried around with him. 

“Pooch…. What are you doing?” Cougar eyed. 

Damn thought Pooch, I can never hide anything from Cougar’s sharp eyes. 

“I want to know what is in that bag of his.’’ Pooch said. “He blabs about everything else that we don’t wanna know about, but when I ask about the bag his mouth clamps shut. I GOTTA KNOW!” 

“Fine,” said Jensen uncharacteristically serious. “Do you really want to know? And if I tell you do you promise not to tell anyone, not even Clay?”

“I Promise” Pooch said beginning to smile. Even Cougar leaned forward. This was the first time he saw Jensen so serious and it had to be something good. Jensen reached into his bag dramatically and took out two medium sized black boxes. Jensen looked over his glasses and smiled at the gasping Pooch and a wide-eyed Cougar. 

“Is that a…” Pooch said breathlessly. 

“it is.” Jensen nodded.

“Can we?’’ 

“Why do you think I brought it?” and not ten minutes later were the three grown men playing Chainsaw Lollipop. A couple of hours later Clay and Roque walked in and stared at the three comatose looking men.   
What the hell happened here!” asked Clay, while his mind swirled up the correct assumptions. 

“Zombies, everywhere. Couldn’t …get… right ending.” Jensen said rubbing his eyes.

“Are you kidding me?” Asked Roque looked around at his teammates until his eyes rested on Clay, who gave a curt nod. Roque got out one of his huge knifes and proceeded to stab the play station 3 right in the center. 

“Noooooooo!” scream Jensen falling to his knee. “How could you? It was so… new,” 

“Come on drama queen, we are going to the bar to get to know each other a bit better.” Clay stated heartlessly.

Jensen crossed his arms in frustration. “I would have learned plenty playing the PS3. For instance, Pooch is a button smasher while Cougar is more refined and only presses the buttons when they need to be. Which leads me to assume that Pooch is more action forward in a military situation while Cougar is thought based. Therefore, Cougar must be a long ranged specialist or team leader, which is obviously not because you are clearly the leader from your recent actions. And Pooch is the get away man and your fix it guy cause he picked me up and he is touching my broken Playstation. And Roque … muscle man and maybe explosives but that last one is just a shot in the dark.” 

“That is very impressive Jensen. But one more question,” Clay said.

“Shoot!” Jensen smiled shooting his imaginary gun, which was quickly becoming his trademark.

“What’s our first names?”

“Shit.”

A couple hours later they were in a run down Mexican bar each taking a shot of tequila. They were all in civilian clothes by this time. Clay was wearing his iconic black suit, white shirt, without a tie and was thumping the table trying to get rid of the burn from the shot. Cougar was calling out to the waitress in Spanish for another round and winked at her under his treasured hat. The last three men were all wearing jeans of similar washes but their shirts were nothing alike. Roque’s was a pale, tight grey t shirt, Pooch was wearing a long-sleeve black button down, and Jensen, well, he was wearing a shirt that looked like it has been had from the American flag in another life. It was red and white with horizontal stripes that went up to the middle of his chest and his shoulders were blue with 52 stars exactly. Jensen had, of course, counted them and was complaining about it until they had reached the bar. 

After two more shots, Jensen was beginning to act ‘drunk.’ “I am soooooo fine right now. It is ammmmaaaaazzzing!!!” Jensen said. His words slurring together and his head bobbed around to what he was saying. “I haven’t felt a part of the team like this since my first one. Oh man, how long ago was that? 100 years almost!” This earned him a laugh from The Losers.

“So where are they now? Did the dump you like your last three teams?” Pooch asked feeling a slight buzz.

“Nope! They’re all dead.” Jensen said his voice said fairly lucidly although his eyes seemed a bit glazed. The Losers looked at Jensen, who was playing with his shot glass. The silence hung in the air like a wet dishcloth. Jensen sighed. “It was all my fault too. I wasn’t there. I shoulda been there, you know.”

“Did you desert?” Clay asked his eyes sharpening. Jensen’s snapped around to look Clay and Clay looked into the eyes of a stranger.

“If you ever, ever question my loyalty to my old team or any team, I swear to god I will break your neck. Do you understand me?” his voice had the same intensity as a Captains. Cougar, who was sitting on the other side of Clay, gave a small whistle.

“Alright, then what happened?” Roque asked. 

“I was put on ice from the army for a while.” Jensen smiled grimly at his own joke. “When I came back… they were all dead. I let them down. I was their leader…” Jensen began to ramble. 

“Looks like we found our new tech guy.” Clay said. Gaining some respect for the slightly insane man. A man who ever cared this much about his team was always welcome on his. 

“I understand.” Cougar said nodding. Pooch stayed voiceless and was swirling with guilt. Roque finished off another shot and motioned for another one.

Feeling the tension in the moment, Jensen abruptly stood up and rose his glass. “To the Howling Commandos!” he shouted and suddenly felt a prick in his neck, “OWW, who’s the buffoon that threw a dart at me!” Jensen hissed. Looking for the culprit, he saw that his entire team was unconscious. And that several armed masked men had entered the bar. 

“Looks like we have a couple of Americans here,” the leader of the squad said in Spanish. 

“Dude, not cool I was in the middle of an inspiring speech.” Jensen grunted. Which earned him three more darts in the leg. 

“I though he was a lightweight?” one of the men hissed to his leader. 

“Then we kill him and take the others to Max. Reload boys!” The leader laughed. 

“Wait a minute bro, did you just say you were hired by Max… this is not going to fly.” Jensen said in Spanish. He put his two fingers up to the side of his glasses. “Stark we are going to need a lift of… are their nine or ten of you… lets go with eleven men associated with Max.”

The terrorist squad looked at each other, then at Jensen and began to shoot at him. Jensen dove behind the bar and was only hit once. The sharp shooter of the team had shot a bullet that had grazed his glasses causing them to malfunction. “Uh-oh” said Jensen putting the glasses away in their case and taking out the pin that Tony had given him. Transforming it into the shield. 

Steve threw the shield at the alarmed men, stunning them long enough for Steve to drag his new teammates from the line of fire. He pulled out the darts and prayed that the Losers wouldn’t wake up before the men had been taken to SHIELD.  
The only person’s dart he couldn’t find was Cougar’s but that was the least of his worries when the men started shooting at him again. The battle was over in about three minutes and not a single shot was fired from the Losers side. 

Steve had begun to tie up the last of the men when he heard the reloading of a gun. He slowly turned around to see the waitress of the bar holding a shotgun.

“Ma’am please put the gun down. You are safe now.” Steve reasoned but he knew it would be futile. 

“Yes, I am safe… but not you” She said, barely in English but Steve could hear the malice. “You hurt my brother… now you die” Steve began to tense his muscles and was ready to jump but the need to didn’t arise. Before the woman could even get close to pulling the trigger the shotgun was blow out of her hand from behind the bar and Steve’s stomach dropped. 

“This can’t be good,” He mumbled. Steve tried to look as nonchalant as possible beside the dozen armed, and knocked-out men and waited for The Losers to burst from behind the bar. It was three tension filled minutes before he saw Cougar pop his head from behind the bar. 

“Jensen?’’ 

“ummm…. Hi,” Steve waved “…Things got kinda out of hand…” scratching his head awkwardly he let out a pain-filled groan. “My hair…”   
“Your hair?” Cougar questioned. Steve clamped up. “Why aren’t you unconscious” Cougar asked under his breath in Spanish. Steve felt his stomach clench.

“Why aren’t you unconscious, either?” Steve asked. Cougar pointed at his hat where a dart hung limply from it.

“I didn’t know you spoke Spanish,” Cougar said raising an eyebrow, which was the only emotion he let through. 

“I learnt some in college.” Steve said.

“No joke?” Cougar said emerging from behind the bar. 

“No.” Steve’s eyes glimmered seriously.

Cougar raised his gun. “Who are you?”

“A friend.” 

“Prove it.” 

“I know who Max is.”

“That doesn’t prove anything.” Cougar head twitched when he heard a loud buzzing noise. “What was that?” 

“My old teammate.” Steve said. Cougar could hardly get used to Jensen talking for longer than five minutes without saying something stupid. “Cougar, I need you to go behind the bar and pretend to be unconscious, alright?” 

“Fine. But if I see anything suspicious I will be shooting you and your team mate.”

“I understand. But I promise you, you and your team will not be injured in any way, sort or form.” Steve promised. Cougar sighed and sat behind the bar. Steve quickly made the shield go back to its original size.

Tony burst through the door Ironman suit and a dozen SHIELD agents followed. “So you were having a party, Jensen?” Tony said, then he got a good look at him, “… or should I say-”

“Tony” Steve said sharply. Looking at the field agents and back to Tony.   
“Riiight, I almost forgot, you are incognito, and why aren’t you being funny right now?” 

“Glasses.” Steve said handing them to Tony.

“You have more?” Tony asked and looked at them at a dozen different angles.

“Of course.”

“Can you fix those ones?”

“Later I can,” Steve finished. “Alright, see you later?”

“Wait, wait, wait, why were you at a Bar?” 

“Clay wanted me to feel a part of the team.”

“Where’s the swell guy now?” Tony said walking around the bar. 

“Behind the bar.” 

“Hiding?” Tony laughed.

“Unconscious.” 

“What are you going to tell them when they wake up?” 

“They got drunk. Very drunk. And I took them home.” 

“Alright good. See ya later pal.” Tony smirked as he ignited his thrusters.

“Bye Tony.” Steve said completely unfazed by his sudden exit. The suits from SHIELD collected the woman and the dozen other men and quickly left the bar. 

“Cougar you can come out now.” Out popped Cougar and the rest of the Losers. “when did you guys wake up?” said a very alarmed Steve. 

“Just now,” Clay mumbled. “What happened?” 

“What happened?... Bad tequila or something, you guys just hit the ground.”

“Why are we behind the bar?” 

“I moved you cause a bar fight broke out.” And Steve wasn’t exactly lying when he said all this.   
“Fine, lets go.” Clay barked. “Pooch are you fine to drive?” 

“Always am.” Pooch said standing up.

“Then lets go.” The ride was quiet. The Losers kept waiting for Jensen to say or do something Jensen-like but all he did was sit quietly in the jeep watching out the window. Everyone except Cougar guessed it was because of the bad booze and that his glasses broke. 

Cougar sat right beside Steve, cradling a gun in his hand. Steve took the hint. “Later” he said so quietly, Cougar barely heard him. Finally Pooch couldn’t take it. 

“What’s wrong with you Jensen, your usually so… irritating.” Pooch said looking over his shoulder.

“I’m not feeling too swell. I think the alcohol is getting to me,” Steve said without his glaze moving. All the men’s glazes had moved to Steve who stared at him like he had grown a fourth arm. 

“Jensen what’s wrong with you.” Roque said, finally awake enough to be coherent; they had shot him about four times since he was the biggest. 

Steve had no idea what to say to the men. The Glasses had made Jensen strange enough so nobody wanted to talk to him. He was about to say some awful excuse that would have likely blown his cover when Cougar spoke up, “ He seems a bit bitter about you mentioning his old team ehhh.” 

He looked around at the rest of the team who looked guilty and with a sigh of relief he pretended to fall to sleep.


	5. The Morning After

The Losers had just returned from the bar fiasco, by this time it was almost dawn. 20 minutes into driving it had become apparent that Pooch could not drive and Cougar took the wheel, Cougar had turned out to be a very cautious driver leading to the hour drive taking twice as long. When they had come back to camp each loser had headed back to their tents to try and sleep off the effects of the ‘bad booze’. While Steve and an irritated looking Cougar went into their own tent. “Who are you?” Cougar asked as soon as the door closed on the tent.

“Do you remember what happened in New York a few months ago?” Steve asked looking through Jensen’s bag of tech goodies. 

“ The team was in South Africa… but I got a general idea.” 

“Good. I was in the front lines of the fight. After the battle, we, meaning my team, stayed low; Going after any stray aliens and trying to keep things under wraps. We didn’t think that we had any more enemies or that they would be apart of the CIA. I am here to try and get some Intel on… ” Steve took out the glasses case but kept it closed.

“ Max” Cougar interrupted.

“Exactly. I couldn’t tell you because it would compromise both teams if any of this got out. Not even my team know where I am except the one you saw I the bar.” 

“Stark… but that would mean that you are-“ 

“A friend. Now I need a favor, you cannot tell your team my identity. At least not now.” Steve said. A silence filled the air. Steve saw how confused Cougar looked. “What?”

“How are you so normal right now?” Cougar asked. 

“I knew that would be something you would ask.” Steve sighed and handed Cougar the metal case. “Open the case and Jensen will be happy to answer you.” Confusion lingered in Cougar’s but he did what he was told.

“Assholes.” Jensen mumbled. “Broke my glasses, I only have eight pairs left you know.” Jensen turned around and started rummaging through his bag. Cougar cleared his throat. “Oh sorry Cougs, lost my train of thought, or I guess Steve’s… anyway, what up?” 

“Your personality change is caused by the glasses?” Cougar said looking at the glasses like they were a piece of dynamite. 

“BINGO! I’ll skip the tech-talk and make it easy on ya, kay champ. These glasses cause Steve’s brain to be overridden with knowledge and tweak his personality to me. An improvement I think. It is caused by electromagnetic waves that cause my brain to act differently, it also inputs a temporary, although highly advanced, grasp on 21st era knowledge. Don’t look so worried bro, these glasses will only enhance my mind.”

“Easy?” 

“Fine. Star spangled man with a plan plus mega-science glasses makes super smart Jensen. Get it.” Jensen rolled his eyes. Cougar nodded. Cougar looked up at Jensen and then the glasses case. If he understood this correctly… “Wait don’t close the case.” But it was too late. Cougar then physically walked away from the conversation and went to bed. 

“I guess he had enough talking for today.” Steve mumbled.

A Few Hours Later

The effects of the tranq darts were finally losing their effect and Rouqe had forced himself to wake up. “I ain’t no light weight.” He mumbled and made his way out of his tent. To his disgust, he found that his legs didn’t agree with what his brain was telling him to do. Stumbling though the campsite, he came across the strangest sight. Jensen was exercising. 

Usually Jensen was the last man to wake up and the only reason he would wake up was because someone had to threaten him. Just yesterday, Pooch had to threaten to hide his Lappie, what he called favorite laptop. Using as much stealth his sleeping legs could manage he made his way closer to Jensen, who had begun doing push ups. Having enough of the craziness called Jensen, Roque barked, “What the hell are you doing Jensen?” Almost immediately Jensen, or rather Steve, jumped up from the ground and landed in a defensive stance. When Steve saw Rogue his whole body relaxed

“ Hello Roque. Sorry I had a bit of pent up energy that I wanted to get rid of.” Steve said truthfully. Whenever ever he wore the glasses, Jensen would always laze about causing Steve to feel like he had to run a dozen marathons or he would explode. Steve had decided he wanted to take advantage of the lack of glasses to get in some much needed exercise.

“Whatever,” Roque said wobbling away. 

“Jensen!” Clay called from his tent. Steve ran towards his voice. 

“Yes sir.”

“We are going to have a little test to see how you work on the field. See if you can handle the pressure. Alright. Here is the Briefing.” 

“Yes sir”

“Look, I’m sorry for what I said at the bar. We all had too many drinks and it wasn’t professional of my to question you morals now stop bullshitting me,” 

“Thank you. I probably wont admit this in a couple hours, but you have a good team and I’m proud to be a part of it”

“Just get the hell outa here before I shoot you.” Clay yelled causing Steve to run back to his tent. Clay slid back into his chair and muttering, “Fucking Jensen, never know what he is going to do next.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hopefully, my projections say that i have another chapter done by tomorrow evening but i do have another story i hope to update by tomorrow. Also i would love to have some feedback on the story or simply a shout out. I will likely be on tumblr for the rest of the evening so message me or something. :D also im tajn77 if you actually want to talk to me ;)


	6. The Second Time is Never the Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM! another chapter.

The mission was seemingly straightforward. Attack the base of a weapon smuggling ring. Steal their computer data and get out. But when Jensen saw the Hydra logo's plastered on the walls he knew his first mission was going to be 'super lame.'

"Damn it, damn it, damn it" Jensen curses as successfully maneuvered through the storm of bullets being aimed at him. He had just downloaded the Intel that the government needed to put Maverick LePonche behind bars, but little did the American government know that LePonche was just an alias for Baron Zemo. Steve knew that he had to stop Zemo while Jensen thought he should preserve their current mission and his life, but so he wouldn't hate on himself later he decided that the best course of action was to light the firearms factory on, well, fire.

"Why the hell did you think that lighting a building filled with gun powder was a good idea?!" Clay screamed through the earpiece.

"I wanted to feel the nostalgia of my first mission." Jensen said taking cover behind a strategically placed barrier.

"For a genius you are a complete retar-" Clay said. Being interrupted by an explosion.

"You still there Boss?"

"No thanks to you, now get your ass outa their before you ruin the Intel."

"Hey Coooougaaar?" Jensen said, undoubtedly annoying.

"What?" Cougar replied dryly.

"You got my back riiihgt?"

"Si." Cougar said getting into position.

"Alright, then lets rock and roll." Jensen took a deep breath and broke out into a sprint. Thankfully, the glasses had no effect on his physical ability and he could run just as fast as the golden boy himself. With either luck or skill, nobody could ever guess with Jensen, Jensen had made it back into the safely of the military truck. He handed over the USB stick. (Jensen would have rather used something of a higher class but he had to work with the resources given to him).

"Just wondering but where are the rest of the team, Cougs?"

"Still in the factory."

"Thought so… see you guys in fifteen." Jensen sighed and shot his imaginary gun half heartedly. Although his personality had been modified he still kept his core moral values. And neither Jensen nor Steve would ever leave a teammate behind.

Leaving the safety of the truck he ran towards the gunfights and away from the baffled Pooch. "God damn. Is he stupid or what?" which only earned him an understanding nod from Cougar. "I mean this may be the fastest Intel mission I have ever done but… Shit I think he forgot his gun." Both men's eyes bulged. Cougar immediately went back to his position as sniper and began talking men down left, right and center.

"Dude," Pooch yelled over the intercom. "Did you forget your fucking gun?"

"Uhhhh, it seems that I have…" Jensen stated like he had forgot to pack an extra pair of socks.

"Get the hell back here then." Pooch said.

"Did I just hear that Jensen doesn't have his gun?" Clay said clearly concerned.

"Does that son of a bitch have a death wish?" Roque said breathing heavily

"Nooope! I just want to save your asses and get the hell out of here with a little pizzazz!" Jensen said and after a few tense minutes they heard Jensen say, "Come guys lets get along. No need to fight-" and then the intercom was filled with static.

Cougar followed Jensen's movement with the scope of his sniper and luckily he was the only one to see the feats that Jensen preformed because if any of the other Losers had seen the scene they would have been asking, "How the hell can a tech guy take out a army of armed men without a gun?" Jensen was plowing into men and knocking them out with swift punched and accurate kicks. After a dozen or so men lay crumbled on the ground, Jensen had finally made it to the side door of the factory and slide inside. Leaving Cougar and Pooch waiting and hoping that their teammates wouldn't get blown up.

Jensen had wormed himself inside the now flaming weapons factory and made his way towards the place where Clay and Roque were dispatched and found them quickly. Clay was nursing a head wound and Roque had his gun pointing defensivly.

"Hey Guys!" Jensen said causing Roque to mistake him for an enemy and shot him in the arm. "Oh my god, Roque you asshole. You shot me in the arm. You bastard why the hell would you do that? I mean I knew you didn't like me but don't you think that this is a bit drastic. I mean really. Such. An. Asshole." Jensen said whining

"Jesus, what the hell are you doing here?" Roque said.

"It's pronounced Jensen and I'm here to save you Duh, but now I'm not sure cause my arm really fucking hurts."

"God dammit lets just go Jensen." Clay said through his clenched teeth.

"Fine but you owe me an apology after all this is over." Jensen said glaring at Roque and spinning around. With ease, Jensen pulled Clay off the ground and supported him.

"Wait." Said Roque.

"What now?" Jensen said rolling his eyes.

"I think I broke my ankle…"

Pooch and Cougar were just finishing their rescue plan when Jensen came out of the factory dragging Clay and Roque. Jensen had the biggest smirk on his face while Clay streamed in and out of consciousness and Roque he looked like normal, pissed off.

"Wooooh! That was almost as fun as last time."

"You've done this before?" Pooch asked.

"Too bad you missed the last one…. Cause it was a real… Blast." Jensen bit his lips trying to force down a smile and finally after a few moments he broke. "GET IT! cause there was the huge explosion! It was a pun-"

"Shut the fuck up," said Roque limping to the truck to tend to his ankle and to get as far as possible from the single most annoying person he has ever met.


End file.
